JAY DUBOISPhD
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Cover of Stop Leaking Power by Jonathan J. Dubois, PhD

New book by Jay Dubois, PhD

Stop Leaking
Power

The first step toward flourishing is protecting the capacity you already have.

Buy the Book
A sailboat crossing open water at sunset.

Start Flourishing.

Let go of hindrances to your potential.
Have more to bring to the rest of your life.

The argument is over.
Are you still replaying it
in your head?

You may have a good reason to disagree. But replaying your case can fill the day without resolving what started the argument.

With your partner, it might be the same disagreement about money or responsibilities. With your ex, a decision about your kid becomes another argument about the past.

Your attention is still there.
The rest of your life is here.

Make room.
Then grow what you can do.

Capacity is what you have available to meet life: your attention, your energy, and your ability to respond. You can protect it. You can also develop it.

  1. Caught in replay

    The same defense.
    Less attention left over.

  2. Make room

    Notice the reaction.
    Pause before answering.

  3. Build capacity

    Listen. Hold a boundary.
    Follow through. Repeat.

  4. Start flourishing

    More room to connect,
    learn, and contribute.

Protecting capacity and developing it happen together. You return to the practice as life changes.
Sunlight opening through a dense green forest.

A little space.
A different response.

You can hear a concern and still disagree.
A pause gives you room to decide what comes next.

ARC: practice where life pushes back.

ARC stands for Aware, Release, Choose & Commit. Jay and Winnie use it when a reply does not go the way they hoped.

  1. Aware

    Notice the defense, interruption, or urge to go quiet.

  2. Release

    Pause before answering. Make enough room to choose.

  3. Choose & Commit

    Say what you need, hear the reply, and follow through.

What could that sound like?

With your partner

“I’m stretched thin in the evenings. Can we work out dinner and bedtime together? I’ll take dinner tonight.”

With your ex

“I want us to decide on activities before either of us signs him up. Can we look at the cost and the days first?”

Each reply puts a specific need on the table. The practice continues in how you hear the answer and keep any agreement you make.

A lone hiker standing on a ridge beneath a wide sky.

What would you like
to have more room for?

A conversation you can stay curious in.
A commitment you can keep.
Something new you want to learn.

Let those possibilities give the practice a purpose.

Start with the conversation
you keep having.

Four sessions built around a real situation in your marriage or co-parenting relationship.

Bring the disagreement you can’t seem to finish, the boundary you struggle to hold, or the commitment you keep putting off.

You and Jay will examine where you get stuck, rehearse a different response, and review what happened when you tried it.

Listening through disagreement, saying what you need, and following through are capacities you develop through practice.

Jay Dubois

“My first instinct was to delete the video.”

When his wife at the time filmed an argument, Jay saw himself using anger to control her. Recognizing it was the beginning. Changing how he responded took practice.

Jay’s story

Four private sessions with Jay

60 minutes each, meeting weekly.

$800USD total for all four sessions

  • A written plan for your conversation and commitments.
  • ARC practice and rehearsal for the reply you can’t script.
  • Time to review what happened and adjust your approach.
Book your sessions
What happens in the four sessions?

  1. Find where you get stuck

    Bring a recent disagreement. Identify what needed resolving, how you responded, and what remained unfinished. Choose one thing to work on.

  2. Prepare for the real reply

    Practice stating your need or boundary, then responding to disagreement. Use a brief breathing or movement practice to pause before answering.

  3. Review and follow through

    Look at what you said, what you heard, and what you did afterward. Adjust your approach, or rehearse if the conversation hasn’t happened yet.

  4. Keep practicing

    Apply what you’ve learned to another situation. Leave with a personal ARC practice and a written plan for your next conversation and commitments.

Coaching focuses on your responses and actions. It is not couples therapy, mediation, or legal advice, and cannot guarantee another person’s cooperation or the outcome of a relationship.

A house extending over waterfalls in a forest.

The Human Capacity Project asks what helps us flourish.

What does a teacher understand about growth? A physician? An artist? Each sees something different through the work they do.

Jay is interviewing people across fields to explore what human flourishing means from their perspective, which capacities support it, and how those capacities develop.

The inquiry is beginning with those conversations. It opens the question beyond any single practice: what else can we learn to become more capable in our relationships, work, and communities?

Learn More
A Heart Center LA group gathered indoors.

Practice in community.

At Heart Center LA, Jay and Winnie bring breathing, qigong movement, and reflection into the practice of noticing tension and pausing before reacting.

Ask about Heart Center LA